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The
big book
conflict
of
resolution
games
Quick, Effective Activities to Improve Communication,
Trust, and Collaboration
Mary Scannell
New York Chicago San Francisco Lisbon London Madrid Mexico City
Milan New Delhi San Juan Seoul Singapore Sydney Toronto

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Copyright © 2010 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of
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ISBN: 978-0-07-174366-2
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Contents
Acknowledgments vii
Introduction 1
Your Keys to Success 11
How to Use This Book 17
1 Understanding Confl ict 23
How Do You See It? 25
Positive Spin 29
Step by Step 33
Conflict Close-Up 35
Bull’s-Eye 37
Note to Self 39
Anything Goes 43
Beach Ball Pass 45
Helium Hoop 47
Check It Out 49
Pins and Needles 53
iii

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2 Communication 55
You Don’t Say 57
The Way We See It 61
I’m Listening 63
Mimes 67
One Question 69
Re-Creation 71
Pass the Chips 73
Keys to Communication 77
On the Run 79
Supply Closet 85
The Butler Did It 93
3 Diversity 101
Another Name Game 103
Common Uncommon 105
Diversity Pays 107
It’s Classified 111
In or Out? 113
Take a Walk 117
What a Bunch of Characters 119
4 Trust 123
Two Truths and a Lie—with a Twist! 125
Five and Five 129
iv
CONTENTS

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Single File 131
Words of Wisdom 135
Word Search 141
Rock and Roll 149
Consensus Thumbs 157
5 Perspective 159
In Character 161
The Usual Suspects 163
Resolutions 165
Building Blocks 171
Cross Over 173
Hoop-La 175
Speed Pass 177
6 EQ (Emotional Intelligence) 179
Behind the Mask 181
Shoes 185
Let’s Face It 189
Knot It 191
Hot Buttons 195
Get the Memo 197
The Shoe’s on the Other Foot 199
Tied Up in Knots 203
v
CONTENTS

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7 Collaboration 205
Personality Plus 207
It’s a What? 211
Creative Collaboration 213
Stump the Facilitator 215
Build a Word 217
Super Stars 219
Quotable Quotes 227
Monumental 229
vi
CONTENTS

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Acknowledgments
Ten years into my career as a corporate trainer, I “discovered” the world
of experiential education. Suddenly, a new and more effective method of
facilitation was opened up to me. For that, I am indebted to John Dewey,
the “Father of Experiential Education,” and to Karl Rohnke, who created
the framework on which many of today’s experiential activities are built.
My sincere gratitude to all of my corporate clients for granting me the
privilege of working with their teams. And to those teams, thank you for
your participation and your trust. I consider myself fortunate to be able to
work with you and gain insight into your processes.
To Emily Carleton, my editor at McGraw-Hill, thank you for a great idea
and for your confidence in my ability to make it work. My appreciation
to Rena Copperman and her team for their dedication to this project and
their attention to detail throughout the editing process. Thanks to Julia
Anderson Bauer at McGraw-Hill for her guidance in the final stages of
review and production. To Drake Carr, thank you for illustrations that add
the perfect energy to the games. A special thanks to Jaclyn LaBarbera for
dropping everything to provide some last-minute drawings.
My deepest gratitude to Karen, Mike, and Cathie for teaching me the
skills necessary to resolve enormous conflict, as only siblings can do. For
being there with support and encouragement whenever I need it, thank
you to my dear friends Cindy, Sandi, and Michelle.
Thank you to my mom, Alice, my dad, Ed, and the rest of my family, for
your love and laughter.
And most of all to my husband, Kerry, I couldn’t have done it without
you.
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Introduction
In the middle of diffi culty lies opportunity.
—Albert Einstein
Conflict in the workplace is: (a) avoidable, (b) preventable, (c) necessary, or
(d) all of the above.
Conflict is a natural and normal feature of the workplace. It occurs in
every organization. For any team that strives to attain its goals, conflict is
inevitable. Although differences will occur, the outcome doesn’t have to
be negative. Conflict can provide opportunities. Conflict challenges us to
think harder, to be more creative, to develop greater understanding, and to
search for alternative avenues that are more efficient, more effective, and
more productive.
Unresolved conflict, however, can result in the breakdown of a group.
When unaddressed conflict occurs in the workplace, it can reduce morale,
hamper performance, and increase absenteeism. It leads to increased
stress among employees, decreased productivity, and at worst, aggression
or violence. Studies show that managers spend at least 25 percent of their
time resolving workplace conflicts. This affects the output of the work
group and can have a profound impact on organizational performance.
Conflict, like any other key business process, must be managed. The
conflict resolution games in this book are designed to allow team mem-
bers to increase their ability to resolve conflict and ultimately transform
conflict into collaboration.
Games and activities create a safe environment for team members to
experience real conflict—complete with emotions, assumptions, and com-
munication challenges. Because games often mimic the characteristics of
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real-life situations, especially in the realms of competition and coopera-
tion, games can reveal the typical way conflict is dealt with in the team.
Teams can begin to understand their usual reactions, and then go on to
discover more effective strategies for dealing with similar situations.
Experiential activities allow team members to practice their reactions
to conflict and their subsequent actions. Consequently, in future workplace
conflicts, they will have the tools and the experience to bring about posi-
tive results. By participating in conflict-resolution games, team members
build trust, improve communication, and challenge ineffective processes
to create a team that is more productive and more effective.
Components of Confl ict
Conflict arises from a clash of perceptions, goals, or values in a domain
where people care about the outcome. The seeds of conflict may be sown
in confusion about, or disagreement with, the common purpose and how
to achieve it. Further, pursuing common goals may interfere with achiev-
ing individual goals within the organization.
When it comes to conflict, various differences may be involved. Team
members may differ on what the problem is; or, they may agree on what the
problem is but have a different perspective about it; or, they may share the
same perspective but have different ideas on how to solve the problem.
• Communication—Communication can both cause and remedy con-
flict. As with other workplace skills, effective communication must
be learned. A lack of open communication tends to drive conflict
underground, and can create a downward spiral of misunderstand-
ing and hostility. Effective communication (including active listening)
is the means by which disagreement can be prevented, managed, or
resolved.
• Competition—The competition for limited resources will certainly
generate conflict. Time, money, space, materials, supplies, and equip-
ment are all valuable commodities. Competition for any of these
resources will inevitably lead to interpersonal or interdepartmental
conflict. Whenever workers compete for scarce resources, recognition,
or position in the organization’s hierarchy, conflict can occur.
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• Inconsistency—Whenever company policies are changed, inconsis-
tently applied, or nonexistent, misunderstandings are likely to occur.
Associates need to know and understand company rules and policies;
they should not have to guess. Inconsistency in the workplace is a
common source of conflict.
• Diversity—Individuals are individuals, and they differ in many ways.
These differences are often a starting point for conflict. There are
various styles for the way we deal with people and problems. Team
members need to understand their own style and learn how to accept
differing styles. Conflict can also be caused by differing personal
values. “Factions” in the workplace can lead to gossip, suspicion, and
ultimately conflict. The group must learn to accept diversity in the
workplace and to work as a team. Emphasizing differences helps team
members look for common ground.
Most teams are diverse in age, gender, culture, experience, and
knowledge. They may also be diverse in race, creed, religion, or dis-
ability. While all this diversity may result in conflict, teams that learn
to embrace their differences and value new ideas can turn conflict into
creative collaboration.
• Perspective—Just as two or more workers can have conflicting styles,
they can also have conflicting perceptions. They may view the same
incident in dramatically different ways. For example, we now have
four generations in the workplace. Each generation brings a different
perspective.
• Interdependency—Interdependency and increased interaction
within an organization are also sources of conflict. The more often
people interact, the more potential there is for conflict. Conflicting
pressures can occur when two or more associates or depart-
ments are responsible for separate actions with the same deadline.
Interdependency requires that people understand others’ points of
view, needs, and priorities. Teamwork and increasing levels of partici-
pation within an organization will require a greater need for conflict
resolution skills.
• Emotional Intelligence—Emotional intelligence is a personal attri-
bute that is very useful in reducing conflict. The amount of an indi-
vidual’s emotional intelligence is referred to as that person’s emotional
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INTRODUCTION

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intelligence quotient, or EQ. People with high EQs are empathetic and
sensitive to the feelings of others. Dealing with associates as human
beings with real lives is often overlooked in the busy workplace. People
with high emotional intelligence can do this in a professional man-
ner, while maintaining appropriate boundaries. The good news is that
anyone can raise his or her EQ by developing the skills to effectively
combine professionalism with emotions like sensitivity and empathy.
The Costs of Ignoring Confl ict
Often, people fear conflict and see it as something to avoid. Some may
even have the impression that all conflict is bad. Because conflict is a
subject where there is a tendency to feel great discomfort, many may
choose to simply ignore conflict. The danger in this approach is that
the conflict festers under the surface and then bubbles up in subtle
ways. Perhaps a team member is unresponsive to an e-mail request; or
someone refuses to ask for help and consequently takes far longer than
necessary on a task; or people simply avoid each other. Conflict under
the surface is very disruptive. It fractures a team as people choose sides
and try to build up their forces. It fosters competition, distrust, poor
communication, and low productivity.
While conflict may be easy to avoid or ignore in the short term, this
will result in unresolved conflict costs. These costs can include turnover,
increased absenteeism, health problems, and even stress-related workers’
compensation claims. The use of valuable resources to address and resolve
conflict early, and to improve communication in the workplace, is a neces-
sary part of doing business.
Transforming Confl ict
into Collaboration
Engaging in conflict doesn’t have to be negative or counterproductive. In
fact, it can be positive. Conflict can be helpful in making necessary changes
within a work environment. When faced with conflict, there are five differ-
ent strategies to deal with the situation:
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• Ignore—We could put off doing anything at all.
• Win-Lose—We may choose to exert control and “win” over our
opponent.
• Lose-Win—We may choose to acquiesce and “give in” to the other
person.
• Lose-Lose—We could agree on a compromise, where both parties give
something up.
• Win-Win—We could choose an option where those involved in the
conflict work together to discover a win-win solution—a collaborative
solution.
Anyone who takes the time to study conflict understands its power to
transform what exists into something better. That does not make conflict
easy, but it does make it easier to accept as a natural part of our lives. Once
we make this mental switch, we can even begin to embrace the idea of
conflict and the lessons that come with it. A thoughtful response to con-
flict strengthens the team and sets the stage to resolve the conflict. We
get a chance to know our team better, to build trust, and to create clearer
communication.
Because our typical knee-jerk reaction to conflict is to fight back or
compete, a collaborative approach is often counterintuitive. Games reveal
to teams their reactions to conflict, demonstrate the consequences of
those reactions, and then point the way to better strategies—all while the
participants are having fun.
Conflict can clear the underlying tensions and bring out issues so the
team can deal with them and learn from them. However, just because
conflict can produce a beneficial outcome does not mean it’s comfortable.
Still, the best approach is for a team to deal with conflict and to accept
that it’s a normal part of working together, and that it can even benefit
the group. Conflict—in the right setting, handled in the right way—can be
constructive. It is through conflict that an awareness of the need for some
necessary changes can be found.
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INTRODUCTION

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Why Use Confl ict-Resolution Games?
Games can reveal real conflict—along with emotions, personalities, mis-
understandings, and reactions. Through games, the team experiences
conflict in a safe environment. Competent facilitation is the key. As facili-
tator, you need to be aware of what’s going on, take notes, encourage, redi-
rect, and even stop activities for a mid-activity discussion if necessary.
Engaging in conflict can be delicate territory for many on the team, so you
need to provide support and encouragement as they practice the skills and
get comfortable using them.
You will notice many of these games recommend small teams—this is
to keep all participants involved in the process. Another way to maximize
participation is to use “observers” who can provide excellent “big picture”
feedback during the debriefing discussion. To maintain a high level of par-
ticipation throughout the game and during the debriefing process, con-
sider passing out the discussion questions found at the end of the games to
small teams for a self-debriefing prior to the large group discussion. This
will ensure that everyone relates the experience to their situation and con-
tributes to the discussion. Just as important as getting everyone involved
in the game is getting everyone involved in the discussion, where the bulk
of the learning takes place.
When teams learn the benefits of conflict, they begin to lose some of the
fear associated with conflict. Team-building games are the perfect way for
a team to experience such benefits. The debriefing discussion for many of
the conflict-resolution games takes longer than the actual activity, because
attendees are changing some core behaviors and beliefs regarding conflict.
Make sure you allot plenty of time for the discussion, because cutting it short
denies the team the necessary time it takes for some to make the shift.
The games in this book will help the team become aware of and prac-
tice the characteristics and skills necessary to resolve—or transform—
conflict. You will find games that build trust, improve EQ, enhance ver-
bal and nonverbal communication, challenge assumptions, and appre-
ciate diversity. Use these games to empower your teams to search for
collaborative solutions in conflict situations. Use these games to allow
teams to experience the result of effectively transforming conflict into
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collaboration. Use these games to take your team from a group of indi-
viduals to a high-performing team.
Facilitation
The role of the facilitator is critical to a team’s successful navigation
through the conflict process. The facilitator needs to pay close attention to
team members as they experience the process. The actions of the team can
provide insight for the debrief discussion. The facilitator also benefits from
a high EQ, which allows him or her to notice the underlying emotions the
team may be experiencing. During the debriefing discussion at the end of
each activity, it’s important for the facilitator to ensure everyone’s involve-
ment. This maintains a high level of engagement as team members trans-
fer the game to real life and helps to build confidence in the new skills.
Conflict is healthy for a team as long as it is handled in an effective
manner. By engaging in conflict-resolution activities, participants may
become more accepting of others’ beliefs, perspectives, and experiences.
Interacting on the informal level that conflict-resolution games provide
can change attitudes and behavior, ultimately providing an opportunity to
build a more cohesive and trusting team. Some may be hesitant to partici-
pate because of the subject matter, but with appropriate climate-setting
and rapport-building activities, and competent facilitation, they can ease
into the games naturally. You may well discover that the more resistant the
participant, the more dramatic the result.
Once team members have experienced the benefits of dealing with
conflict—saving time, increased trust, stronger relationships, enhanced
creativity, and more open communication—they are usually more likely to
embrace conflict than deny it. Even though they may feel ready to embrace
conflict, it can still be daunting; after all, it may be completely new ter-
ritory for some. It is essential for the facilitator to allow team members
to practice real conflict in order to experience the actual process, which
is the same in games and in life. A team that feels empowered to do this
becomes a resilient, powerful, and effective team. The group will trans-
form into a team that looks for the answers within—a team with individu-
als who trust and respect one another.
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INTRODUCTION

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Leadership
If management wants the team to realize the full potential of conflict-
resolution games, they must get involved in the process. Conflict resolu-
tion is an ongoing process for every team, and it’s important that lead-
ership understands the skills necessary to build a team that is confident
in their ability to experience conflict and to transform that conflict into
something healthy and productive. When leaders are aware of the skills
necessary to do this, they can reinforce and encourage the continued use
of those skills. Those in leadership roles can provide a supportive environ-
ment by allowing time for regular team meetings, along with activities
that keep these skills fresh, and by broadening the comfort zone for using
the skills throughout the entire team.
Benefi ts of
Confl ict-Resolution Games
The topic of conflict fits perfectly with the idea of games. Games are inher-
ently competitive. Competition breeds conflict. In competitive situations,
there is generally a winner and a loser. In a compromise, a team may accept
something lesser without considering other options. The ultimate goal of
conflict games is to reveal collaborative solutions. Experiential learning
activities and exercises can challenge a team to deal with the real issues of
conflict—differing personality styles, perceptions, assumptions, and ways
of thinking—and provide skills that can be used in real life.
The best feature of games is that they allow teams to practice new skills
in a fun and engaging manner. When participants are engaged in the pro-
cess, they take ownership of the techniques they learn, they remember the
concepts, and they get comfortable using the skills. As they become more
at ease with the concepts, it is more likely they will use the skills in the
workplace. Here’s why:
• Games help the team experience the process. They experience the con-
flict process in a fun, supportive environment that enables the team to
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create effective strategies and practice the skills necessary to resolve
conflict.
• Games help the team understand key points—points that are relevant,
clear, and memorable. Games are powerful tools to drive home key
ideas.
• Games help build morale. They provide a context for team members to
take control of their learning and create the energy to make it fun in
the process.
• Games help team members learn to trust each other. They provide
opportunities for sharing insights, emotions, and experiences as the
team develops solutions. Increased understanding and appreciation
for each other’s viewpoints are valuable by-products of the discussion
during the activity debriefing.
• Games help team members become more flexible and adaptive.
Members soon understand and appreciate the fact that there may be
more than one way to solve a problem.
• Games provide opportunities for team leaders to reinforce appropri-
ate behaviors. When cooperation is displayed, when active listening is
demonstrated, or when trust is extended, a leader can show apprecia-
tion for the desirable responses elicited from a team-building game
and debriefing session.
• Games provide opportunities to connect. When we feel connected, we
are more likely to look for a way to collaborate rather than compete.
Characteristics of
Confl ict-Resolution Games
The games in this book are appropriate to use in training sessions and
team meetings, as well as team-building programs. You may also want to
try them as activities during open discussions or grievance airings. These
games include the following features:
1. They are impactful. While the games themselves take little time (some
as little as 15 minutes), the lessons learned leave a lasting impression.
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INTRODUCTION

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2. They are inexpensive. There are very few props necessary, and many of
the props can be reused again and again before needing replacement.
3. They are participative. The games involve the entire team—no one sits
on the sidelines. Games help participants focus their energy and atten-
tion, therefore making them think, interact, and have fun—all while
learning to be better team players.
4. They are engaging. Because team members find solutions to the chal-
lenges collaboratively, they are engaged throughout the process.
These games will prove to be effective time and time again.
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Your Keys
to Success
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
—William James
Embrace the Idea That Confl ict Can
Be Positive
Teams can get complacent and comfortable. Comfort and complacency
are often the enemies of creativity and energy. Conflict can be a great cata-
lyst for creative energy. Groups that learn to navigate through conflict and
use it to their benefit can become highly motivated and effective teams.
For the team to buy into the idea that conflict can be a good thing, the
facilitator needs to believe it. There are many excellent books and Web
sites that the facilitator can look to for information. Armed with the evi-
dence, it’s easy to get excited about the idea of helping participants make
this realization for themselves. Take a look at all the activities in this book
before deciding which will be the best games for your team at this particu-
lar time.
Invest the Time
Facilitating an experiential session on conflict resolution can take
some time. Before committing to the topic, make sure you have ample
time to allow the team to have the experience and also enough time
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for an insightful and meaningful debriefing discussion. If time is short,
consider an activity that builds trust or improves communication or
even an activity that fosters a sense of community within the team.
These activities are excellent predecessors to a conflict-resolution
games session.
Allow the Games to Work
All of these conflict-resolution games work. They are tried, tested, and
proven. The power of games is that no two processes will be exactly alike.
Trust that although a game may progress differently than anticipated, it
will ultimately provide the lesson that the team needs. This process can be
hindered by a facilitator who tries to take too much control. Relax and let
the game unfold as it will.
Anticipate Resistance
You may see initial hesitation from some participants because of the topic
or the experiential nature of the approach. Do your best to accept this nat-
ural response and you might even mention it in your introduction. When
it comes to experiential learning, it’s best to let participants know at the
beginning of a session that some games may not be a good “fit” for each
participant, but there are other ways they can contribute to the team dur-
ing an activity. They can serve as observers, providing valuable insight
and a different perspective during the group discussion. You can provide
observers with an observation tracking sheet to keep everyone engaged
throughout the process.
Allow the Team to Work
Through Frustration
Frustration is to be expected in some of these activities. Frustration can
lead to conflict, which can lead a team to discover effective strategies to
handle conflict. Sometimes that requires a facilitator to hold his or her
tongue and allow the group the opportunity to experience the natural
process of conflict resolution. Always use common sense, as there will
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be times that a mid-activity discussion will enhance the experience and
maintain the high participation level of all team members.
One of the most useful things a facilitator can do to enrich the debrief-
ing discussion is to take notes throughout the activity. If your groups are
large, you may find it more effective to let them debrief in smaller teams,
which will encourage more participation. The facilitator does not have to
be a part of every debriefing discussion to make it meaningful to the par-
ticipants. Be prepared with copies of the discussion questions to distribute
to the teams so they can lead their own debriefing discussion.
Use Common Sense
There is some movement required in some of the games. Invite your par-
ticipants to use their common sense. If an activity is not a good physical
fit for a team member, there are always other contributions he or she can
make to maintain a high level of involvement. Many of these games benefit
from one or more observers, which is a less physical role.
Do Your Homework
Facilitating a program on conflict resolution is not for the novice trainer.
It is a good idea to get some experience, and get comfortable with the pro-
cess of experiential training, before tackling the challenge of facilitating a
team through conflict. More so than other topics, conflict tends to take
team members outside their comfort zones, and without proper lead-in
activities, they may even be pushed to their panic zones. If this occurs,
you may find that some participants will shut down, doing themselves and
the team no good at all. Of course, even with ample lead-in and comfort-
building activities, this may occur—be ready for it and use it in the debrief-
ing discussion. Be there to provide encouragement and support through-
out the game.
Is Confl ict Really a Game?
Games fit the topic of conflict resolution very well. Many games have an
element of innate or assumed competition. When we compete, we position
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ourselves against one another, which leads to conflict. That conflict exists
is a given; whether the team is comfortable enough to experience the con-
flict process is another matter. Conflict that is allowed to linger beneath
the surface can be very detrimental to a team. Team members may guard
information, distrust one another, and form alliances. As a result, produc-
tivity plummets. Games allow the team to experience the process; trans-
form conflict into collaboration; and practice the skills in a fun, informal,
and effective manner.
Stay on Track During the
Debriefi ng Discussion
Because some of these games reveal buried emotions, the debriefing dis-
cussions can easily go off on tangents or become gripe sessions, which can
be unproductive. Be prepared to redirect the group discussion if this hap-
pens. Invite team members to come to you during breaks or at the conclu-
sion of the session for a continuation of the discussion.
Be Flexible
During some games—for example, Helium Hoop—you may notice that
frustrations are running so high that communication is completely break-
ing down and team members are blaming and verbally attacking one
another. Be prepared to cut the activity, lead a debriefing discussion, go on
to other activities, and eventually come back to it later, after learning some
helpful skills in conflict resolution.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Most games books recommend that facilitators practice the activities
before “taking them live.” Let’s all admit that there have been times when
we have ignored that advice. When the topic is conflict, it is definitely
not the time to ignore that advice. Practice these games with your fam-
ily, friends, or colleagues so that you can be comfortable enough with the
game to focus your attention on what is going on with the team. That way,
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when you do “take it live,” you are 100 percent there for the team, taking
notes and observing the nuances of the activity. You will also be able to
anticipate where the team may go and be ready to let that unfold without
being wrapped up in the technicalities of the game.
Dust Off Some “Classics”
You may see a couple of games in this book that are already familiar. Before
skipping over these classics, take a quick look at how these standards have
been adapted to help facilitate the concept of conflict resolution. The ben-
efit of choosing a classic is that you may already have a level of comfort
facilitating the game, and attendees may have a level of familiarity with
the game. It is the conflict resolution twists that make the activity impact-
ful and meaningful. An example is the game Two Truths and a Lie—With
a Twist! Many of us have played Two Truths and a Lie, but with the twist,
this game can be a very powerful lesson in how prejudging affects relation-
ships within a team.
Have Fun Out There
Games are fun. Even with a serious topic, allow the group (and yourself) to
have some fun with it. They will stay engaged and participate more fully,
and, as a result, the lessons will stay with them longer. You will establish a
better comfort zone, which will lead to greater trust in you and will allow
you to take the team further.
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How to Use
This Book
Confl ict-Resolution Games
Like that old cliché about love and hate, there is often a thin line between
conflict and collaboration. With the skills and tools outlined in this book,
conflict can often be transformed into collaboration. The games in this
book are a special set of activities and exercises designed to: (1) understand
conflict, (2) improve communication, (3) value diversity, (4) build trust, (5)
provide perspective, (6) raise EQ (emotional intelligence), and (7) foster
collaboration.
Many of these games provide a valuable lesson whether or not the par-
ticipants succeed in a task. This is because the focus is on the process, the
debriefing discussion, and how the experience can be applied to the work-
place. As an added bonus, games allow team members to have fun while
learning.
Selecting an Appropriate
Confl ict-Resolution Game
As you look through this book, you’ll notice that each conflict-resolution
game has a distinct purpose, a recommended group size, a list of materials
needed, and an estimated time requirement. Let these guidelines help you
determine the appropriate games for your groups or meetings.
It’s a good idea to begin with activities that support conflict resolution,
such as communication activities or trust-building activities. As partici-
pants get comfortable with each other and begin to understand the skills
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necessary to resolve conflict, you can then choose activities that are more
challenging. Here is a brief overview of the seven chapters in this book:
1. Conflict—Conflict is a natural occurrence in any group or team. The
games found in this chapter will allow team members to experience
real conflict, work together to find real solutions, and discover the
tools that will allow them to transform future conflicts.
2. Communication—Effective communication skills, specifically listen-
ing and engaging in true dialogue, can transform conflict. The goal is
to turn the conflict into a discussion, which requires us to overcome
emotions, engage our brain, and use active listening skills. The games
in this chapter provide insight into the importance of communication
and present opportunities to practice effective communication skills.
3. Diversity—A football team of 11 quarterbacks or 11 linebackers prob-
ably won’t do very well. Diversity gives teams a distinct advantage.
The more diverse the group is, the more effective the team can be. The
games in this chapter help the team to discover and appreciate the
diversity of the team.
4. Trust—Trust is the glue that holds a group together, especially when
experiencing conflict. The trust activities in this chapter help a group
to build a level of comfort with each other and to demonstrate reliabil-
ity and credibility.
5. Perspective—The games in this chapter will expose our unique per-
spective and make us aware of others’ perspectives, while providing
opportunities to understand how those perspectives may limit our
ability to resolve conflict.
6. Emotional Intelligence—Empathy and sensitivity can help team
members interact more effectively. These EQ games will help to build
a better awareness of ourselves, and of the others on our team.
7. Collaboration—The willingness to explore win-win solutions dur-
ing conflict can be reframed as the inclination to collaborate. Those
involved must treat one another with equal importance and respect.
This sometimes requires changing deeply ingrained assumptions that
influence how we understand the situation and then taking action.
These games will give teams a chance to experience real conflict and
work together to create a collaborative outcome.
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Preparing Game Materials
You will find it helpful to keep a supply of basic props that are often used in
these conflict resolution games. Index cards, markers, painter’s tape, ten-
nis balls, a deck of cards, rope, flip-chart paper, and assorted office supplies
can all be useful. It is also worthwhile to look ahead and anticipate which
games may be appropriate for a given group or meeting. After selecting one
or more games, you can save time by preparing your handouts, flip charts,
or presentations in advance.
Introducing a Game
In general, give a brief explanation and background for a game. It is impor-
tant to provide a context for the activity to help the team see where it
fits into the program’s agenda. Get their attention, solicit their coopera-
tion, and share appropriate information, such as any rules or guidelines.
Remind participants to use their common sense and to take an appro-
priate role during the game, as either an active participant or an active
observer. Then assign them their task, along with any time limits. Make
sure to monitor the activity as it progresses, allowing ample time for the
debriefing discussion.
Leading a Team Discussion
Games will remain just that, games, in the absence of an effective facili-
tated debriefing discussion. Look over the provided materials ahead of
time. Anticipate probable results and reactions. Take notes throughout the
activity. In addition to the discussion questions provided with the game’s
instructions, you may want to prepare other questions that are more tai-
lored to suit your particular group or purpose. Indicate the time limits for
the discussion. Focus the team’s attention on the meaning and purpose
behind the game. Encourage the participants to be responsible for generat-
ing meaningful conversation; don’t be too quick to insert your own opin-
ions and observations. Keep the discussion flowing, but also get comfort-
able with pauses as group members formulate their ideas and conclusions.
End the discussion when all major points have been addressed.
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About Debriefi ng
Debriefing is the key to the learning experience. Without it, participants
may not see the connection between what happened during the game
and what happens in “real life.” They may not understand the relevance
of their actions in the game until they discuss the debriefing questions. To
help the discussion flow just as smoothly as the game flowed, follow these
guidelines:
• Take notes during the activity for reference during the debriefing
discussion.
• Provide observers with an observation sheet to focus their attention
during the game.
• Provide individuals with a copy of the discussion questions so they
can note what they experienced during the game, before the full group
discussion.
• For large groups, have participants discuss the debriefing questions
in small teams before the group discussion to ensure everyone gets a
chance to contribute.
• Get participants to discuss what happened in the game, what they
learned, and how the learning applies in the workplace.
• Ask open-ended questions for a meaningful discussion.
• Ask—don’t tell—participants about their experience, and how it relates
to real-life situations.
• Use the discussion questions provided with each game as guidelines,
not as a manual to be followed exactly.
• Adapt the ideas to what really happened in each game and what is
really happening in the workplace. All circumstances will differ.
Making the Transition
to Applications
All of the games in this book are generic, meaning that they are broad
in nature and not restricted to any single organization or industry. Your
debriefing discussion, however, can be tailored to meet the specific needs
of your group. As the facilitator, it is imperative that you shift the team’s
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attention from what happened in the activity to what is significant about
the results. Encourage participants to consider questions like, “What will
we remember from the game tomorrow?” “What can we take from this
experience?” and “How can we use this experience to improve our team’s
performance?” You may consider making a record of the key learning
points raised and action plans developed to distribute to the group for
later review and follow-up.
Summary
Conflict is a natural occurrence in any group. The games and activities
presented in this book are designed to resolve conflict and ultimately
transform the energy of conflict into collaboration. Games facilitate learn-
ing and development of trust to help improve team performance, while
injecting some fun in the process.
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1
g
n
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n
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Don’t fi ght
forces,
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Buckminster
Fuller
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How Do You See It?
OBJECTIVES
• To understand our perception of conflict
• To consider a different perspective on conflict
• To learn techniques to better handle conflict
• To build trust
Group Size
Any
Materials
One copy of the Conflict—How Do You See It?
handout (provided) for each participant, pens
Time
30 to 40 minutes
Procedure
Conflict can provide the spark that
often leads to better solutions, creativ-
ity, and collaboration. This activity helps team members to: (1) become
more comfortable with conflict, (2) consider the positive aspects of con-
flict, and (3) understand the possible benefits to themselves and the team.
Have participants pair up. Provide each person with a copy of the hand-
out. Allow 10 to 15 minutes for partners to interview each other. Follow
with a group discussion of the interviews and then go over the discussion
questions.
Tips
Follow this activity with the game Positive Spin.
Variations
Have team members switch partners every three questions to increase the
level of trust within the team.
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Discussion Questions
1. Were your partner’s perspectives different from your perspective?
2. What were some things you learned by considering another’s perspective?
3. Does discussing conflict like this make it “less scary”? In what ways?
4. Is conflict good or bad?
5. What are some ways in which conflict is detrimental to the team?
6. What are some ways in which conflict enriches the team?
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H A N D O U T
Confl ict—How Do You See It?
1. How do you defi ne confl ict?
2. What is your typical response to confl ict?
3. What is your greatest strength when dealing with confl ict?
4. If you could change one thing about the way you handle confl ict,
what would it be? Why?
5. What is the most important outcome of confl ict?
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H A N D O U T
6. In what ways have you seen your team benefi t from confl ict?
7. How can confl ict be detrimental to a team?
8. What do you do when someone avoids confl ict with you?
9. What are some reasons you choose to avoid confl ict?
10. What can you do to promote a healthy attitude toward confl ict within your
team?
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Positive Spin
OBJECTIVES
• To change our perspective on conflict in the workplace
• To consider the positive aspects
of conflict
Group Size
Any
Materials
Flip-chart paper, markers, pens, one copy of
the Team Debriefing Discussion Questions
handout (provided) for each team
Time
20 to 40 minutes
Procedure
Split large groups into smaller teams of four to seven (having at least three
teams is desirable). Have each team send a member up to collect their sup-
plies, which consist of a sheet of flip-chart paper, some assorted markers,
pens, and the handout.
Tell the teams that they are to write their definition of conflict. Their
challenge is to define conflict without using negative terms. Once team
members agree on a definition, have them write it on their flip-chart paper
along with an illustration. Before the group presentations and discussion,
have each team answer the debriefing questions on the handout.
After all teams are finished, have the teams present their ideas to the
group. Hang up the flip-chart pages on the wall of the room for the dura-
tion of the training day.
Tips
Whenever possible, refer to the teams’ definitions during the debriefing
discussions.
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Discussion Questions
1. How does the definition of conflict affect the way we think about conflict?
2. What are some negative consequences of conflict?
3. What are some positive outcomes of conflict?
4. List four potential positive outcomes of conflict in an organization.
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H A N D O U T
Team Debriefi ng
Discussion Questions
1. How does the defi nition of confl ict affect the way we think about confl ict?
2. What are some negative consequences of confl ict?
3. What are some positive outcomes of confl ict?
4. List four potential positive outcomes of confl ict in an organization.
•
•
•
•
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Step by Step
OBJECTIVES
• To discover the steps to effective conflict resolution
• To create a conflict-resolution process that can be used in
any conflict
• To create buy-in to the conflict-resolution process
Group Size
Any
Materials
Copy paper, markers, painter’s tape
Time
15 to 20 minutes
Procedure
Split your group into smaller
teams of four to seven partici-
pants. Station the teams in differ-
ent areas throughout the room.
Ask each team to write the word
Conflict on one sheet of paper and
the word Resolution on another.
Instruct them to tape the sheets
of paper about six feet apart on a
nearby wall. Invite the teams to brainstorm the specific steps necessary
to get from “Conflict” to “Resolution.” As the steps are agreed upon, have
team members write them on sheets of paper and place them on the wall
between the “Conflict” and “Resolution” sheets.
Tips
• Use this activity as a part of a debriefing discussion early in your
program after an activity such as Helium Hoop.
• Use these steps in the Quotable Quotes activity.
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• If participants are having trouble, you may suggest that they reverse-engineer
the steps.
• Have the team test the steps by using them in a conflict-resolution activity.
Discussion Questions
1. What has to happen right before “Resolution”?
2. Is there an additional step after “Resolution”? What could be added?
3. How does it benefit us to have a step-by-step approach to conflict?
4. How can we remember these steps in conflict situations?
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Confl ict Close-Up
OBJECTIVES
• To understand our initial reactions to conflict
• To consider how our reactions may influence the outcome
of the conflict
Group Size
Any
Materials
None
Time
5 to 10 minutes
Procedure
Stand in the center of the room and
announce the following to the group:
I am conflict. Consider how you typically react
when you experience a personal conflict. Position
yourself, in relation to me, somewhere in the room
in a way that conveys your initial response to a
conflict. Pay attention to your body language as
well as your distance from the conflict.
Tips
Use this activity twice—once near the beginning of the program and then
again at the end—to get a visual picture regarding changes in positions as
a result of considering conflict differently.
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Discussion Questions
1. What are some reasons you are standing where you are?
2. If where you are standing signifies your initial reaction, where might you stand
after taking some time to think about the conflict?
3. What are some things that would cause you to move?
4. How might our reactions influence the course of the conflict?
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Bull’s-Eye
OBJECTIVES
• To understand that how we deal with conflict impacts ourselves,
our team, and the organization
• To look at the big-picture benefits of effective conflict resolution
Group Size
Any
Materials
Flip-chart paper, markers, paper, pens
Time
15 to 20 minutes
Procedure
Draw a large target (consisting
of three circles, one inside the
other) on the flip-chart paper.
• The innermost circle represents
the team members themselves.
• The middle circle represents the
team.
• The outer circle represents the
company.
Ask, “How does effectively resolving conflicts affect you, your team,
and your organization?” As team members shout out various ideas, record
them in the appropriate place on the target.
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UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT

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Tips
To allow participants time to contemplate the issue, have teams of four to
seven draw individual targets and take a few minutes to fill in the circles
on their own before the group discussion.
Variations
Create two targets: one for the benefits of effective conflict resolution and
one for ineffective conflict management skills, and how each impacts the
individual, the team, and the organization.
Discussion Questions
1. How does your ability to resolve conflicts affect you in your job?
2. How does a team member’s ability to resolve conflicts impact the team?
3. How does a team’s ability to resolve conflicts impact the organization?
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Note to Self
OBJECTIVES
• To evaluate our pretraining skills
• To set expectations for ourselves as a result of the training
• To notice a change in perspective as a result of what was
experienced in the program
Group Size
Any
Materials
Copies of Note to Self handout
(provided), paper, pens, one
envelope for each person
Time
10 to 20 minutes
Procedure
Ask participants to write a
letter to themselves using
the handout as a guideline.
After the letters are completed, have each participant place his or her let-
ter in an envelope and write his or her name on the envelope. Collect all
the envelopes. At the conclusion of the program, give participants their
envelopes and have them assess their progress by completing the “Post-
Program” sentences.
Tips
With large groups, have small teams of four to seven debrief by discussing
the post-training portion of the handout.
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Discussion Questions
1. How were your expectations met today?
2. What are some things you need to work on?
3. What is your plan to improve those skills?
4. What were you surprised to discover?
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H A N D O U T
Note to Self
Pre-Training
1. What do I need from this training?
2. What are some things I already know about this topic?
3. What do I expect to be able to do that I can’t do now?
4. What do I need from the other members of my team?
5. What can I contribute to my team?
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