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Conflict Resolution Activities for
Middle School Skill-Building

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Contents
WHAT IS CRAMSS? ……………………………………………………………………… 4
TIPS FOR USING CRAMSS ………………………………………………………………. 5
BUILDING A SAFE ENVIRONMENT …………………………………………………….. 6
Ice Breaker And Relationship Builders
Class Agreements …………………………………………………………… 7
Chain Links ……………………………………………………………………. 8
Step Circle ……………………………………………………………………. 9
Mail Person …………………………………………………………………... 11
FriENN Diagram ……………………………………………………………... 12
Number Line ………………………………………………………………… 16
UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT ………………………………………………………..... 18
Constructive Response to Conflict
Conflict Response Ts ……………………………………………………….. 19
Constructive v. Destructive Responses ………………………………… 20
Conflict Response Cycle …………………………………………………. 21
Conflict Management Styles
Conflict Style Shuffle………………………………………………………... 25
Types of Conflict
Apple Arguments ………………………………………………………...… 28
Picture Types ………………………………………………………………... 31
Imbalance Challenges ………………………………………………….... 36
EMOTIONAL AWARENESS AND COMMUNICATION …………………………...…. 38
Vocabulary Building
Wear Your Emotions on Your Wall …………………………………... 39
Ang-o-Meters …………………………………………………………… 40
Mad Lips …………………………………………………………………. 42
Active Listening and Barriers

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Classroom Complaint Line …………………………………………… 45
ReQuests …………………………………………………………………. 46
Listen“ing” ……………………………………………………………….. 47
Telephone………………………………………………………………... 48
I-Messaging
When, I Feel, I Need …………………………………………………… 50
You and I-Messages …………………………………………………… 52
I-Interpreter …………………………………………………...…………. 53
NEGOTIATION AND MEDIATION SKILLS ……………………………………………... 55
Negotiation Types and Skills
Cross the Line ……………………………………………………….…... 56
What’s Fair? ...................................................................................... 58
Positions, Interests and Needs
Mediator’s Iceberg …………………………………………………….. 60
From Positions to Interests ………………………………..…………… 63
The Pitchers ……………………………………………………………… 64
Paraphrasing and Reframing
Speed Dating ………………………………………………………….... 66
3 Framing ………………………………………………………………… 68
ReFRAMES ……………………………………………………………….. 70
Role-plays and Mediation Resources
Blue Streak ……………………………………………………………….. 73
Phone Games …………………………………………………………... 74
Rumor Amor ………………………………………………………..…… 75
Role-play Discussion Questions …………………………………….... 76
Role Player Prep Sheet …………………………..……………………. 77
Peer Mediator Cheat Sheet ……………………………….………… 78

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What is CRAMMS?
Conflict Resolution Activities for Middle School Skill-Building (CRAMSS) is an
online repository of conflict resolution education exercises designed to
engage middle school students in the fun, collaborative learning of
appropriate conflict management and problem solving. Conflict resolution
education (CRE) programs strive to impart students with nonviolent conflict
resolution skills and opportunities for emotional growth and self-definition.
With these, students form safer learning environments and are better
prepared to peacefully enter a multicultural world. This repository is intended
to aid conflict educators in the achievement of these goals. While by no
means a standalone program, these activities align with and are meant to
supplement existing CRE curriculums.
Together, the complied activities cover four fundamental areas of conflict
education: Building a Safe Learning Environment, Understanding Conflict,
Emotional Awareness and Communication, and Mediation and Negotiation
Skills. They address a variety of competencies including: emotional
vocabulary building, empathy building, active listening, I-messaging,
stereotype checks, interest identification, reframing and paraphrasing.
Each activity contains a description of its intended learning objectives,
directions for running the activity, discussion questions for debrief and
reproducible handouts (when applicable). Their content is informed by both
the recurring concepts in prominent CRE programs nationwide and the
author’s own experience as a conflict educator. While their process design
conforms to fundamental principles of middle school pedagogy. Seeking to
stretch students’ bodies and minds in the meaningful exploration of conflict,
CRAMMS activities should integrate easily into CRE lesson plans.

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Tips for Using CRAMSS
Voluntary Participation
 All CRAMSS activities should be presented as voluntary. Students should
not feel obligated to share personal or potentially vulnerable information.
To reflect this voluntary nature, all CRAMSS directions are formulated as
requests: “Ask students to form a circle; Ask students to share; etc.”
Instructors are encouraged honor the entreating, rather than directive,
quality of these of activities. In this way, the exercises become joint
endeavors in the place of compulsory assignments.
 Students should be given the option to observe the exercise or “pass” on
their turn. Observation need not be a passive action. Students who wish to
observe can provide valuable feedback to peers, and should be invited
to join activity debriefs and to offer their insights.
Brainstorms and Idea Gathering
 During brainstorms, it is helpful to separate option generation from option
evaluation, an approach that (not coincidentally) is often found in
mediation and negation practices. This technique acknowledges all
student suggestions, giving them equal consideration (and a place on the
board) before ideas are evaluated in a structured, collaborative manner.
When appropriate, CRAMSS activities list option generation (in the form of
brainstorms) and option evaluation as separate, sequential steps to reflect
this approach.
Discussion and Debrief
 Instructors are encouraged to foster discussions’ organic direction,
allowing students explore those questions most pertinent to them. CRAMSS
activities are meant to trigger curiosity, and debriefs offers students a
platform to voice theirs. The teacher’s role as a facilitator should be to
expand on, summarize and validate students’ interests. When facilitated
properly, post activity discussions will be mostly student driven.
 During discussion, instructors should make space for, and validate, all
student contributions. Rather than distinguishing between right and wrong
responses, teachers are encouraged to help students recognize when
their statements are facts and when they are opinions.

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Building a Safe Environment
Middle school is a transitional period for students. They find themselves with
greater autonomy, mobility and self-awareness along with many questions
surrounding how to manage these new responsibilities. Because of this, it is
crucial that middle school educators and educational materials work to
orient students with their learning environments, making them more
comfortable with each other and their teachers. Students learn, and
contribute to others’ learning, best when unencumbered by fear of ridicule
or being out performed. Physical, emotional and cognitive safety are all vital
to middle school classrooms, and especially in CRE classrooms where the
very subjects at hand are heightened emotions, altercations, biases,
difference of opinions and so on. A safe environment is widely
acknowledged as perquisite to effective learning, and is consistently
reiterated as the first step in the development of conflict resolution education
programs.
The activities in this section help build stronger relationships between
students, aiming to ameliorate the common discomfort of unfamiliarity. They
also support students’ in their natural process of identity formation and self-
definition, bringing to focus the life experiences and beliefs that make them
unique as well as those they share with others. These activities are fun, active
and powerful. Ideally, they will help create a safe, comfortable learning
space as students come to know each other as resources, cooperative
partners and friends.
Activities
 Class Agreements
 Chain Links
 Step Circle
 Mail Person
 FriENN Diagram
 Number Line

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C A
LASS GREEMENTS
Discussing conflict can be hard. It requires
trust, acceptance, respect and a OBJECTIVES
perception of safety. Most students know
• Promote a sense of intellectual, emotional
they’re expected to treat one another
and physical safety in the classroom.
respectfully, but are not always sure, or
perhaps haven’t been asked to consider,
• Gain students’ buy-in and promote
what respectful treatment looks like
greater participation from all students.
specifically. Indeed, it changes context to
context, group to group and person to
• Smooth and enrich group discussions
person. Posting a list of jointly created
throughout the course
classroom agreements or guidelines can
help make this more explicit.
DIRECTIONS
1. Brainstorm with your class about behaviors that would make the classroom safe and most
conducive to learning. Brainstorm questions might include:
• When you’re sharing an idea, what would you like your classmates to do doing?
• What would you like your teachers to be doing?
• What can your peers do to show you respect?
• What requests do you have of your classmates while in our room?
2. Record a list of ideas on the board. Accept all ideas, initially.
3. Push for specificity. For instance, if students’ suggest, “Be respectful,” ask them what that
looks like.
4. Once everyone’s ideas are listed, ask the class if they can all agree to the proposed
guidelines. If there’s disagreement, ask why. Modify the list until it’s agreeable to all.
5. Have your students turn the list into a large poster.
6. Display the poster prominently in the room and refer to it when helpful.
ALTERNATIVELY
Ask your students to write down a time they remember feeling disrespected or unsafe in a
classroom. Ask what behaviors or rules might have prevented that occurrence. Use their
responses to spur your brainstorm.

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C L
HAIN INKS
Familiarity is an essential part of feeling safe in any OBJECTIVES
environment. In the classroom, your surroundings
• Students become better acquainted
are your classmates. When discussing conflicts or and strengthen peer relationships.
other potentially polarizing subjects, it’s important
to feel comfortable with the people around you.
Many students in the class may know each other or be friends, but others may not. This activity is
an easy icebreaker that will help students become more familiar with one another and hopefully
feel safer in the classroom.
DIRECTIONS
1. Ask the class to stand in the middle of the room. Make enough space for everyone to
stand in a circle, but do not form one, yet.
2. Begin the activity by saying your name and a fact about yourself that’s important to you.
Then make a “link” by placing your hand on your hip and sticking out your elbow.
EX: I’m Avery and I am an older brother.
3. Then, someone from the class will link arms with you, someone who also identifies with the
stated fact. S/he will repeat that fact and add another one, making another “link” with
his/her opposite arm.
EX: I’m Allen and I’m also an older brother. I also belong to a sports team.
4. Repeat this process until everyone in the group has joined the chain. If someone names
a fact that nobody else shares, ask him or her to name a different fact. (Once a student
has joined the chain, they may not change places. Only students outside of the chain
may form a new link. Finding commonalities may become more difficult as the remaining
group dwindles.)
5. Once the whole class has joined the chain, ask the two people at either end of the chain
to find a commonality and link arms, creating a closed circle.

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S C
TEP IRCLE
Conflicts can be isolating, especially when
OBJECTIVES
combined with the transitions and self-
• Students build positive classroom
consciousness of early adolescence. Often, middle
relationships and learn to identify
school students feel alone with their lot in life,
with one another.
confident that others will not, or cannot,
understand their feelings, thoughts or situations. This
• Provide a safe, controlled space
activity can help to penetrate that isolated
for students to express their beliefs
perception and make the classroom a more
and experiences.
comfortable place to discuss those issues like
emotion, biases and personal points-of-view that
are so essential to conflict education and resolution.
DIRECTIONS
1. Have the class stand in a large circle.
2. Inform the class that this is a completely silent activity, and ask them not to comment,
laugh, scoff or indicate during the exercise.
3. Instruct the students to listen to the following statements. Ask them to take one step into
the circle if they identify with the statement or feel it applies to their life. Ask them to
silently step in, pause for 2 seconds to observe and appreciate others, and then step
silently back into the outer circle.
• Encourage students to interpret the statements however they like, but ask
them not to question the statements or seek clarification.
• Emphasize that stepping in is always voluntary.
4. Read the I-statements aloud one at a time, pausing between each question for step-ins.
Use the statements provided and/or develop your own.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• How did this activity make you feel? What did it make you think?
• What, if anything, surprised you during this activity?
• What did this activity make you realize about your classmates? What about yourself?
ALTERNATIVELY
If you feel comfortable, ask the circle to begin generating its own I-statements. Follow the same
process, only instead of reading, have students step in, one at a time, while making a personally
significant statement.

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S C I-S
TEP IRCLE TATEMENTS
• I am an artist. • I believe I have at some point been
• I like to play sports. treated differently because of my
• I am a good student. ethnicity.
• I am male. • I have a disability.
• I am female. • I think I will go to college.
• I am a girl. • I am part of a wealthy family.
• I am a boy. • I usually have access to the things I
• I identify strongly with one gender. need and want.
• I am an only child. • I have lived in the same house my
• I am the oldest child in my family. whole life.
• I am the youngest child in my family. • I have moved around a lot.
• I am a middle child. • I and/or someone I know has been
• I live with both my parents in the arrested.
same home. • I and/or someone I know has used
• I have divorced parents. drugs.
• I live with member(s) of my extended • I have a friend or family member
family. with a metal illness.
• I have never known my mother, • I have a friend or family member
father or both. with an addiction.
• I have lost a family member. • I sleep as much as I need to most
• I feel responsible for my brothers and nights.
sisters. • I eat as much as I need to most days.
• I have very strict parents. • I sometimes feel depressed.
• I was born in the United States. • I know someone who has attempted
• I am American. suicide.
• English is not my first language. • I knew someone who completed
• I am multi-lingual. suicide.
• I have family or friends living in • I have ended friendships.
another country. • I have recently made a new friend.
• I have travelled outside of the • I would fight on behalf of a friend.
country. • I sometimes feel anxious and cannot
• I am or have been part of a majority. explain why.
• I am or have been part of a minority. • I have been bullied.
• I regularly see my culture • I have bullied someone else.
represented in the media. • I or someone I know identifies as gay,
• I often see my culture lesbian, bisexual or transgender.
misrepresented in the media. • I expect a lot from myself.
• I learned or am learning about my • I am religious.
peoples’ culture, heritage and • I am popular.
customs in History or Social Studies. • I am political.

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M P
AIL ERSON
Many students in the class may already know OBJECTIVES
each other or be friends, and others may not.
• Students become better acquainted
Mail Person is a fun, physical activity gives and strengthen peer relationships.
students an opportunity to share personal
information with one another and discover
commonalities between themselves. This activity is an easy way to build familiarity between
students and hopefully make all students feel more comfortable in the classroom. Use Mail
Person as an icebreaker or as a constructive way to burn energy.
DIRECTIONS
1. Arrange seats in a large circle. There should be one fewer chairs than people. Ask one
student to begin as the Mail Person and stand in the middle of the circle.
2. The Mail Person initiates the activity by saying, “I’m the Mail Person from (name any
place) and I have mail for everyone who (name something true of him or her),” This fact
could be a favorite food, a certain life experience, a belief, color of hair, etc.
EX: I’m the Mail Person from Brooklyn and I have mail for everyone who celebrates
Hanukkah.
3. All students in the circle for whom this fact is true should quickly get up and move to
another, not adjacent, seat. In the style of musical chairs, the student left without a seat
stays in the middle and becomes the new Mail Person.
4. Continue play until every student who wants a turn has had one.
ALTERNATIVELY
The race for a new chair is exciting and competitive. For more collaborative game play,
ask all students for whom the fact is true to stand in the middle of the circle and quickly
elect a new Mail Person together. Ask each group how they made their decision.

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F ENN D
RI IAGRAM
We all identify with parts of our personality and OBJECTIVES
cultures. You might identify as an artist or sister or
• Students appreciate their classmates’
Native American or male. While we may feel an
character and cultures and
especially strong connection to certain attributes, strengthen peer relationships
we’re comprised of many. It’s important to
recognize that others hold different values and identify with different roles. These values may
seem foreign, but they’re worthy of acknowledgement and respect. This activity will help
students express their character, appreciate their uniqueness, and at the same time, consider
their commonalities.
DIRECTIONS
1. Pair students and ask them to complete the worksheet “FriENN Diagram.”
2. Ask students to generate their own interview questions or use the questions provided
below. Their questions and diagrams should reflect the personal qualities that are most
important to them.
3. Once completed, ask groups to share their diagrams with the class.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• Did you discover anything surprising about your partner? Any interesting similarities or
differences?
• Did any pair find NO shared qualities? Can you think of any now?
• Which do you think is more important: our similarities or our differences? Why?
ALTERNATIVELY
• Ask each pair to partner with another group and compare their diagrams. What
connections do you share with the other group? Which connections are unique?
• Create new pairs! Ask students to create “FriENN Diagrams” with 2, 3, 4, or ALL of their
classmates.
• Ask students to form groups of three and complete the three set diagram.

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F ENN D I Q
RI IAGRAM NTERVIEW UESTIONS
• What is your nationality?
• What is your favorite holiday?
• What is your favorite kind of food?
• How many siblings do you have?
• Are you a younger, older, middle or only child?
• Where are you from?
• Where are your parents from?
• What sports do you like to play?
• What is your favorite hobby?
• Are you religious?
• What kind of music do you like?
• Do you have a job?
• Do you come from a large or small family?
• What is your favorite animal?
• Do you have any pets?
• What is your favorite place you’ve ever been?
• Where do you want to go that you haven’t been?
• Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
• What is your dream car?
• What is your favorite subject in school?
• At which subject do you think you’re best?
• What is your least favorite subject?
• Do you play any instruments?
• Do you act?
• Would you call yourself an artist?
• What languages do you speak?
• Where do you go with friends?
• Are you more talkative or quieter or somewhere in between?
• What is your favorite book, show or movie?
• How old are you?
• What do you want to study in college?
• What is your dream job?

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F ENN D
RI IAGRAM
DIRECTIONS:
Take turns interviewing your partner about his/her personality and culture. Write one partner’s unique characteristics in left
circle and the other’s in the right. Write shared traits in the overlapping space. Be sure to cover the personal qualities that are most important to
you both! EX: My nationality is vey important to me. I’m Polish. What’s your nationality?
Name:
Name:

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F ENN D
RI IAGRAM
DIRECTIONS:
Take turns interviewing your partners about their personality and culture. Write one partner’s unique characteristics in left oval,
one partner’s in the right oval and one partner’s in the lower oval. Write shared traits in the overlapping spaces. Be sure to cover the personal
qualities that are most important to you all! EX: My nationality is vey important to me. I’m Polish. What are your nationalities?
Name: Name:
Name:

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N L
UMBER INE
Difference of opinion is a common and exciting
OBJECTIVES
part of life. We all have our own ideas and
opinions, but we’re not always given the chance • Students learn to articulate their
to describe those ideas or examine where they positions on social issues.
came from or how they were developed. This
activity gives students the opportunity to express • Students learn to listen to differing
their opinions both verbally and visually, as well opinions considerately.
as listen to and consider other points of view. It
also helps illustrate that most issues are not black- • Students understand that most issues
and-white, but rather a wide range of grey. are not black-or-white, right-or-
wrong, but multidimensional and
nuanced.
DIRECTIONS
1. Create a large number line across your
classroom wall by posting three signs, reading 0, 50 and 100.
2. Ask your students to stand along the line, in random order at first, and listen to the
statements you read.
3. Read prompts aloud to the class. Use the prompts provided or create your own.
4. After each statement, instruct your students to position themselves along the number line
according to how much they agree with the statement (0 being not at all). Ask them to
pick a specific number.
5. Call on individual students to explain which number they’re at and why.
6. Ask the other students to listen carefully, but not to talk or contradict the speakers during
their explanations.
7. Instead, if their minds change during a classmate’s explanation, ask students to respond
by moving silently along the number line.
8. When you see a student make a dramatic move, ask them to reflect on what their
classmate said that caused the shift.
Discussion Questions
ALTERNATIVELY
If the line feels too cluttered, have students go
• What new information did you learn up 2, 3 or 4 at a time, and give each group one
about these topics? prompt.
• Where do our opinions come from?
How are they shaped? Leave the number line up all year! Use it to poll
• If someone stands at a different spot the class, or for structure when debate arise
along the line, are they wrong? between students.
• How does it feel listening to someone
with whom you disagree?

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N L P
UMBER INE ROMPTS
• Profanity should be allowed in schools.
• The drinking age should be lowered to 18.
• Marijuana should be legalized.
• Assisted suicide should be allowed.
• There are some things worth killing for.
• The President is doing a good job.
• Dogs are better pets than cats.
• Abortions should be legal in all states.
• Gay marriage should be legal in all states.
• Boys are better at sports than girls.
• Everyone should go to college.
• All problems can be solved with enough money.
• Religion is an important part of life.
• It is wrong to eat animals.
• There’s no better place to live than the United States.
• Videogames are an unhealthy influence.
• New technology almost always improves quality of life.
• Regular citizens should be allowed to carry guns.
• Fist fighting should only ever be a last resort.
• It’s important to have neat handwriting.
• Grades are an accurate measure of intelligence.
• Sometimes it is OK to lie.
• Sticks and stones really do hurt more than words.
• It’s good that we have nuclear weapons.
• Texting is preferable to talking on the phone.
• The type of clothes you wear matters.
• Men and women are fundamentally different.
• We should all be worried about climate change.

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Understanding Conflict
Too often, conflicts carry a negative connotation in the minds of young
people. They are thought of as undesirable and primarily associated with
anger, sadness and violence. Conflict resolution education programs
adamantly stress the need to reverse this thinking. Students should
understand conflicts as having positive possibilities and as a necessary,
natural part of life. When handled appropriately, conflicts are opportunities
to make something better. They challenge us to learn, grow and create.
Unfortunately, negative perceptions of conflict pervade largely because of
the poor ways in which people choose to respond to it. It is important that
students understand that there are a variety of options when it comes to
handling conflict and that their reaction in conflict situations can greatly
influence the quality of outcome.
The activities in this section expose students to different types of conflicts and
conflict sources. They ask students to develop constructive approaches to
conflict resolution and consider how those approaches differ from
destructive ones. Students will also be exposed to traditional conflict
management styles and asked to think within these frameworks. Together,
these activities work to portray conflicts as potentially positive phenomenon,
because when viewed as such, conflicts become an opportunity for growth,
inspiring those with the appropriate skills to cooperate in their resolution.
Activities
 Conflict Response Ts
 Constructive v. Destructive Responses (handout)
 Conflict Response Cycle
 Conflict Style Shuffle
 Apple Arguments
 Picture Types
 Imbalance Challenges

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C R T
ONFLICT ESPONSES
S
We often think of conflicts as bad or unfortunate,
situations to be avoided if possible. Actually, in
OBJECTIVES
• Students understand that conflicts
most cases, conflicts are opportunities to make
are not necessarily negative.
something better. They challenge us to learn,
create and improve. That’s why textbooks call
• Students understand how their
them math “problems.” Conflicts get their bad reactions to conflict help shape its
rap from the ways in which people choose to course.
respond to them. There are always multiple ways
to react in conflict situations, some destructive
and others constructive. This activity will help students understand that our responses help
determine whether conflicts lead to fall out or productive problem solving.
DIRECTIONS
1. Group students into teams of three.
EXAMPLE
2. Within their groups, ask students to come
My brother always wears my
up with a conflict. It can be imaginary or
clothes.
a conflict from one of their lives.
Constructive Destructive
3. Ask each group to create a T-chart for its
conflict, listing three constructive ways
one might respond to that conflict and 1. Ask if he knows 1. Yell at him or hit
which clothes him whenever I see
three destructive ways. Emphasize that
belong to me. Offer him in my clothes.
constructive ways likely lead to learning, to mark my tags.
problem solving and better relationships, 2. Wear his clothes
2. He seems to like without asking,
while destructive ways will lead to
my shorts. Offer to since he’s in mine.
escalation and enmity.
show him where I
bought them. 3. Keep all my
4. Ask each group to share their conflict and clothes dirty so he
3. Explain that his won’t want to
T-chart with the class.
wearing my clothes wear them.
bothers me. See if he
5. For every constructive and destructive has any solutions.
response shared, ask a listening student
provide one possible consequence or
outcome.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• What is challenging about coming up with constructive response when you’re actually in
a conflict?
• Our T-charts list only constructive and destructive responses to conflict. Are all responses
either constructive or destructive, or might your response affect conflict in a different
way?

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Name: Date:
C . D R
ONSTRUCTIVE V ESTRUCTIVE ESPONSES
DIRECTIONS:
Consider the conflicts below. Think about both a constructive and destructive way to
respond to each.
1. In years past, both the debate team and the Mathlete team received money from the
school for materials and to travel to competitions. This year, budget cuts have left less money
for student clubs, and the school will only be able to fund one of the teams. You’re on the
debate team and would hate to see it disappear. You also have many friends who are
Mathletes and know they value their club just as much as you value yours.
How could you respond to this conflict destructively? What consequences might result?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
How could you respond to this conflict constructively? What consequences might result?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
2. This year for Halloween you and two of your friends dressed up as The Three Amigos. You
wore sombreros and vests and spoke with a fake accent. During the day you learn that your
costume has offended some of your classmates. They feel that your dress and some of your
actions are disrespectful to their culture. You don’t mean any harm, but you’re really proud
of your costume and would like to continue wearing it.
How could you respond to this conflict destructively? What consequences might result?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
How could you respond to this conflict constructively? What consequences might result?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

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C R C
ONFLICT ESPONSE YCLE
When confronted by things we perceive as
offensive or threatening, we react. For the most
OBJECTIVE
part these reactions are fast and automatic. We
• Students understand their internal
can respond so quickly that we sometimes end
responses to triggers and how they
up in conflict without realizing how it’s happened.
influence external reactions.
This exercise helps students understand the
mental process that fuels negative interactions,
and, hopefully, use that understanding to
respond more productively to upsetting stimuli.
LECTURE TOPIC
Draw and explain the conflict cycle below.
Conflict Cycle adapted from Hillsboro Mediation Program’s “The Anatomy of Conflict” (2014)

--- PAGE 22 ---
Relationship: We each have unique relationships with the things around us that are shaped by
our previous interactions. We develop patterns of interaction with nearly everything, classes,
foods, groups, and events, however, in conflict we’re typically thinking about interactions
between individuals. Normal interaction is simply the way usually engage with a particular
person or thing.
EX: I see Jenna around, but we don’t really talk.
Event: An event is the trigger or action that is inconsistent with your normal relationship. In
conflict, these are negatively perceived interactions. Trigger events have the potential to
reshape relationships.
EX: Jenna pushed me in the hallway.
Emotional Response (internal): Your internal responses are the emotions roused by a trigger.
EX: hurt, scared, embarrassed, surprised, angry.
Assumptions (internal): At this stage you try to rationalize why the trigger event occurred. Often,
we have limited information about the situation, so we rely on intuitions and assumptions. Our
interpretation of an event can be very different from another’s.
EX: Jenna pushed me because she doesn’t like me; Jenna pushed me because she’s a mean
person.
Boundary: The boundary is actually a decision. It’s the decision, not always consciously made,
about how to act outwardly in response to the event, your emotions and assumptions.
EX: I’m going to push Jenna back; I’m going to just ignore it.
Reaction (external): The execution of the decision you made at the boundary. Your external
reaction has the potential to majorly improve the situation OR drive it further into conflict.
EX: Pushing Jenna.
Outcome: The impact your external reaction had on the situation or relationship. Whether the
outcome is positive or negative largely depends on how you choose to respond.
EX: You and Jenna get into a yelling match in the hallway; You ask Jenna why she pushed you
and it turns out she just wasn’t watching her step.
The red oval is important! Here is where
Relationship: As you return to the top of the
you have control. You have the
cycle, your notion of normal interaction has
opportunity to respond effectively and
changed, sometimes drastically. Your new
resolve the problem OR to respond
relationship can be much improved OR one in
impulsively and escalate the conflict.
which you’re more sensitive to future trigger
When you’re in the oval, try to break
events and characterized by chronic conflict.
down the process. Check your
EX: Now I avoid Jenna when I see her.
assumptions. Consider the likely
consequences of your reaction. It’s hard
to do, but immensely useful!
Conflict Cycle adapted from Hillsboro Mediation Program’s “The Anatomy of Conflict” (2014)

--- PAGE 23 ---
DIRECTIONS
1. Reconstruct the conflict response cycle in your classroom. Arrange six chairs in a loose
circle and assign each chair to a phase in the conflict cycle. Or, label six pieces of paper
and tape them to the ground.
2. In pairs, ask students to fill out the provided worksheet, detailing a conflict cycle from one
of their lives. If they’re uncomfortable sharing a personal story, ask them to invent one.
3. Ask each group to share their cycle. Ask one student to move his/her body from stage to
stage as his/her partner narrates the story.
4. Request that the rest of the class to watch silently. Remind them that sharing a personal
story requires trust and safety.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• What do you think is the most important phase of the cycle and why?
• Why is it helpful to break down the cycle step-by-step?
• Are you currently in any conflicts with sensitive triggers? If so, how might you improve
that relationship?
ALTERNATIVELY
If the full cycle seems too complicated at first, modify it. A simpler version of the cycle
could look like this:
Event Emotion Reaction Outcome
Once students become comfortable with the concept, you can incorporate additional
phases like Assumptions and Relationship impact
Conflict Cycle adapted from Hillsboro Mediation Program’s “The Anatomy of Conflict” (2014)

--- PAGE 24 ---
After event: Before event:
Internal
Conflict

--- PAGE 25 ---
C S S
ONFLICT TYLE HUFFLE
There are a variety of ways to resolve a problem. OBJECTIVES
The way we approach a conflict depends on our
• Students learn the 5 conflict
means, beliefs, the importance of the outcome management styles.
and the importance of our continued relationship
to those involved. There are five commonly • Students understand the benefits and
drawbacks of each style and that
identified conflict management styles. We may
circumstance determines a style’s
be prone to one, but the style we chose to adopt
appropriateness.
usually depends on the situation. All styles have
an appropriate time and place.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES
Competition – Competitors keep their “eye on the prize.” The emphasis is on winning, and if that
means others have to lose or a relationship is damaged, so be it. Competition is prevalent in our
society, from sports to business to war. Competition usually behooves the more powerful, but is
also the style of the determined and the strongly convicted. It is the style used when success is
important enough to risk defeat.
Avoidance – Sometimes a conflict just isn’t worth the trouble of getting involved, no matter the
outcome. Perhaps the issue doesn’t affect you much, or finding a solution would take time you
could better spend elsewhere. Occasionally problems just fizzle, but usually avoidance doesn’t
resolve conflicts. The problem will persist as is, and maybe that’s acceptable. Other times,
avoidance may allow the problem to escalate until another style is needed.
Accommodation – When relationships matter more than objectives, you may give up your
position to remain on good terms with others involved. If competition is “my way or the
highway,” accommodation is “Your way’s fine with me, friend.” Maybe you know that the other
person feels more strongly about the issue than you do. Or maybe you can’t stand the thought
of making an enemy. Accommodators appease the other parties, even if that means letting
them win.
Compromise – Splits and shares, in a compromise no party loses and no party really wins. Usually
a compromise involves some appeal to objective fairness like, 50/50, taking turns or “if we can’t
both have our way, neither of us will.” Compromises allow you to get part of what you want, and
usually don’t leave relationships any worse off. However, compromises can feel unsatisfying and
may replace a more creative, potentially win-win solution.
Collaboration – Collaborators place a premium on both their own goals and their relationship
with others involved in the conflict. Collaborators seek to create lasting, mutually acceptable
resolutions. Collaboration requires time and creativity, but usually results in win-win outcomes.

--- PAGE 26 ---
DIRECTIONS
1. Explain and discuss the conflict
management styles above.
2. Create 5 sections of the classroom, a
section for each conflict management
style. You might tape 5 signs on the walls Compromise
or form 5 desk islands.
3. Divide students evenly into each of the 5
Sections, creating 5 groups.
4. Read aloud one of the provided conflict Importance of Relationship
scenarios and give students 3-4 minutes to
consider these questions:
a. How might someone handle this problem using your section’s conflict
management style?
b. What might be the consequences of handling it this way?
5. Ask each group to share their answers.
6. Ask each group to rotate to the next section and repeat this process. Continue until
every group has responded from every section.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• Which conflict management style do you think you identify with most? Why?
• Which conflict management style did you find it most difficult to adopt? Why?
• Do you think one style is always preferable to the others?
• In what kind of situation might it be best to compete? Avoid? Accommodate?
ALTERNATIVELY
• As you read aloud the conflict scenario, ask students to stand in the middle of the room.
After they’ve heard the scenario, ask students to move to the section with the style they
would adopt in that situation.
Conflict styles from Thomas, K. (1976) “Conflict and conflict management”
laoG
fo
ecnatropmI
Competition Collaboration
Avoidance Accommodation

--- PAGE 27 ---
C S
ONFLICT CENARIOS
• Your family just moved into a new house. There are three rooms available for you, your
brother and sister, but one is larger than the others and has a bigger closet. You sister has
the most clothes and insists she needs the room. Your brother thinks he should get the
room because he’s the oldest. You want the extra space for your drum set. It bothered
everyone when you practiced in the dining room. Your parents told you to work it out
amongst yourselves.
• This month, your school is engaging students in an anti-drug campaign. You and Eduardo
have been chosen to create a large banner to be hung in the school’s main hallway.
Eduardo wants to draw a series of student portraits, each with their own drug awareness
slogan. You don’t like drawing and would rather use the banner to explain the school’s
campaign in large block letters.
• Your best friend Jeremy has been flirting with the girl you like. It bothers you, but it’s not
particularly surprising. Jeremy flirts with just about every girl in school. However, as
Jeremy’s friend you know that the girl he really likes is Ashlynn. He’s had a crush on her for
years. You’re deciding how to handle the situation.
• You’ve recently become friends with Kelsey and sent her a friend request on Facebook.
You really like Kelsey in person, but online she’s a bit much. She likes and comments on
almost everything you post, and some of her comments are inappropriate. You’ve grown
very irritated and you’re worried that your parents and other friends will disapprove of
what they see on your profile.
• Every summer your work for your grandpa doing odd jobs around his farm. You enjoy the
work and really like having extra money for the school year. But this year, your grandpa
has also hired his neighbor’s son, Curtis, to help out. Slowly, Curtis is taking more and more
of your jobs. Some days you arrive and your grandpa has nothing for you to do! You
don’t know Curtis that well, but feel like you should have first pick of the jobs. You’re the
grandson, after all!

--- PAGE 28 ---
A A
PPLE RGUMENTS
Conflicts arise for all sorts of reason in every type
OBJECTIVES
of situation. But when you think about it, these
• Students think about different types
reasons separate into a relatively small number of
of conflict origins.
conflict types. Different taxonomies exist, but
common categories include, data or
• Students understand how
communication conflicts, opposed interests, determining the origin of a conflict
relationship conflicts, structural conflicts and helps inform approaches to
differing beliefs. Distilled even further, all conflicts resolution.
generally have one of two origins: resources and
values. These are the sources that drive conflict. They are intrinsically linked to human needs and
satisfaction. Understanding the cause of conflict is a great way to begin resolving it. This activity
will help students think about different types of conflict.
Resource conflicts involve contention over a limited commodity (land, money, time, materials,
labor). Resource conflicts are typically simpler to resolve and commonly settled using:
competition, division, sharing, and resource expanding.
Value conflicts involve clashes between personal beliefs and usually center around what’s right,
good or just. Value conflicts are more difficult to resolve because values are intricately tied to
individual and cultural identity. Value conflicts are commonly resolved using: education,
exposure, interest identification and compromise.
DIRECTIONS
1. Ask every student to provide an example of a conflict they’ve been in or heard of.
Record examples on the board. (Try to record approx. 20 examples. Individuals in smaller
classes may need to provide multiple examples).
2. As a class, ask students to group conflicts that are alike. Which conflicts seem to share
similar causes? How would they describe each category? What name would they name
each category? Record these categories.
3. Ask students to divide each conflict and conflict category into two super categories:
resource conflicts and value conflicts.
APPLE ARGUMENTS
1. Arrange seats in a large circle around a small table or desk. Put an apple on the table.
2. Cut and hand out an Apple Position to each student. If need be, two students can
share a position. Or, you can invent new ones! Ask students to keep their positions
secret, at first.

--- PAGE 29 ---
3. Ask two students at a time to come to the table and read or describe their positions to
each other and the class.
4. For each pairing, ask the class to consider the following questions:
a. What type of conflict has formed, if any? (Which of the class’s conflict
categories would you place this problem in?) Is this a resource or value
conflict?
b. What needs are at stake in this conflict?
c. Can you think of a win-win solution to this problem?
EX: You want to eat the apple, but you only like the skin. You usually toss the rest.
You want to use the apple to make applesauce.
a. This is a conflict over resources.
b. Hunger. Validation. Creativity.
c. Peel the apple. One can eat the peel and the other can use the flesh for
applesauce.
5. Continue until all students who want a turn have gone.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• Which conflicts seemed easier to resolve, resource conflicts or value conflicts?
• What would happen if you used the same resolution for all of these conflicts? Say, flip a
coin and winner gets the apple? Or, split the apple and give each person half?
• Did this activity help you think of any new conflict categories?

--- PAGE 30 ---
A A P
PPLE RGUMENT OSITIONS

You want to eat the apple, but you only like the skin. You usually toss the rest.
You’re deathly allergic to apples. You cannot touch them or anything they’ve recently touched.
You believe apples are demonic. They should all be burned as soon as possible.
You’re certain this is the apple that was stolen from your lunchbox earlier, but cannot prove it.
You’re an apple farmer. You want the seeds to plant in your orchard.
You’re a hunger activist and think that using the apple or any purpose other than eating is
wrong.
You want to use the apple to make applesauce.
Apples are sacred in your religion. They must not be eaten or otherwise defaced.
You want to put the apple in a barrel and go bobbing for apples.
You hate apples. You don’t like the taste and you don’t like the texture. You’ll tell anyone who
asks.
You have Malusdomesticaphobia, the fear of apples, you can’t bare to see, be near or even
talk about apples.
You’ve just learned how to break an apple in half with your bare hands. You want to prove to
everyone that you can do it.
You want to cut the apple in half and use it to make painting prints.
In your culture, apples are believed to have incredible healing powers, but only if you eat the
whole thing, peel, seeds and stem.
You want to take pictures of the apple at various stages of decomposition for a science project.

--- PAGE 31 ---
P T
ICTURE YPES
We all make assumptions every day. Assumptions
and heuristics are necessary and allow us to act
OBJECTIVES
reflexively, create routines and organize and • Students learn the difference
simplify our world. However, when relied on too between observed information and
much assumptions can also cause mis- inferred information.
understandings or lead to generalizations and
stereotypes. This activity helps students • Students practice objective
understand the difference between observation description.
and inference, and become aware of
assumptions they may not realize they’ve made. • Students identify and learn to
suspend stereotypes commonly
DIRECTIONS
associated with groups of people.
1. Distribute a picture to each student.
LECTURE TOPIC
Use the pictures provided, find your
own pictures online, or have your The brain interprets and evaluates stimuli at
students find their own pictures in lightning speed; so fast it’s hard to realize
magazines, books or online. If using when we’re making assumptions. The
the last option, ask students to find a mnemonic ODIE v. ODIS breaks down the
picture of an interesting person (or cognitive process, and can help students
people) they do not know. consciously avoid evaluative judgments.
Observe – the physical process of sensory
2. Arrange seats into a circle. Have
stimulation. Ex. Light hitting your eyes, Sound
your students sit with their picture.
hitting your ears.
3. In go-around fashion, have each
Describe – turning the sensory data into
student show and describe their
characteristics. Ex. Tall, pale, shiny, loud.
picture. In this round, simply ask
“How would you describe the person
Interpret – using a composite of
in your picture?” or “Tell us as much
characteristics to arrive at a named
as you can about your person.”
category of being. Ex. Tall, older, at the front
of the room. “Ah! He must be a teacher.”
4. As they’re going around, take note
of any assumptions your students Evaluate or Suspend – when evaluating we
make. These are any details that assign our existing values or biases to the
cannot be definitively verified by the named thing. Ex. “He’s a teacher. He must
picture. Listen for statements like, be mean.” To Suspend is to consciously
“He’s nice/mean” or “She’s wealthy” interrupt this evaluative process and allow
or “He’s a bad person.” new sensory information to replace
assumptions.
5. Break for discussion.
Remember that these steps happen in our
brains almost simultaneously and can be
Discussion Questions
hard to distinguish.
• Name specific assumptions you saw made. Also, suspension does not mean our values
Ask the student what led him/her to that or judgments disappear. That’s impossible.
conclusion. Rather, we’re reserving those judgments
• What were other assumptions that you heard? until we have more specific information.
• Did you notice you were making an
assumption when, and if, you did?

--- PAGE 32 ---
6. Go around a second time. This time, ask the students to practice ODIS and go through
only the Observe, Describe and Interpret phases with adding their personal evaluations.
7. Stop a student if you hear him/her making an assumption. Explain why it’s an assumption
and ask them how they could change their language to be purely observational.
8. Break for discussion.
Discussion Questions
• What felt different about the second go around?
• Why might it be helpful to suspend our assumptions, especially when in conflict?
• How might the people in these pictures be stereotyped?
• Why is it important to recognize the stereotypes that permeate our world?
Adapted from Intercultural Communication Institutes’ “D.I.E”

--- PAGE 36 ---
I C
MBALANCE HALLENGES
Conflicts rarely unfold on an equal playing field.
Power, one’s ability to influence the outcome, is
OBJECTIVES
always a factor in conflict, and usually the • Students recognize different types of
power.
balance of power is tipped. One disputant may
have more smarts, more supporters, more money,
• Students understand how power
more conviction, more physical ability or more
imbalances can affect conflicts and
verbal ability. Each is a form of power and there competition.
are many more. A type of power can be more or
less useful depending on the situation. It is important to be aware of the power dynamics at play
in conflict (and normally hard not to be). This activity will allow students to experience and
appreciate different types of power and how they can influence conflict.
DIRECTIONS
1. Arrange seats in a large circle.
2. Two at a time, ask students to come into the middle of the circle to compete in an
“Imbalance Challenge.” Inform the class that in these challenges one student will be put
in a position of less power.
3. Ask students in the circle to think about the types of power and power imbalances they
see at play before them.
4. Continue challenges until every student who wants a turn has had one.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• What types of power imbalances did you see in these challenges?
• What did it feel like participating in a challenge with less power? With more?
• How do you think different types of power factor into real conflicts?
• Can you think of any real-world conflicts in which there is a large power imbalance?
• What can we do to add or detract to our own power? To others’ power?

--- PAGE 37 ---
I C
MBALANCE HALLENGES
PHYSICAL POWER
• Two students will have a standing balance challenge. The student who stays balanced
longest, wins. However, one student must compete on one leg only.
• Two students will have a book balancing challenge. The student able to balance a book
on his/her hand longest wins. However, one student may use his/her palm while the other
must use only his/her index finger.
• (Blindfold required) Two students will have a writing challenge. The student who writes,
“balance” on the board first wins. However, one student must compete blindfolded.
POWER IN NUMBERS
• Two students will have a one-leg balancing challenge. The student who stays balanced
longest wins. However, one student may choose and use a teammate to help balance
(the teammate must not stand on one leg).
• (Requires a small rope) Two students will have a gentle tug-o-war challenge. The student
who pulls the other student across the circle wins. However, one student may choose a
teammate.
COMMUNICATIVE POWER
• Two students will have a story telling challenge. They must each tell a story about a time
they lost their balance. The student who finishes his/her story first wins. However, one
student may only speak in words that start with “B.”
• Two students will have a listening challenge. Ask students in the circle to randomly
whisper the word “balance.” The challengers must guess who whispered. The student
who guess right first wins. However, one student must play with his/her hands over his/her
ears.
RESOURCE POWER
• Two students will have an object balancing challenge. The student who balances his/her
object on end first wins. However, one student’s object will be a dry-erase marker and
the other’s object will be a pencil.

--- PAGE 38 ---
Emotional Awareness and
Communication
Almost universally, conflict resolution education curriculums underline how
important communication skills are to positive conflict management.
Miscommunication and lack of communication regularly contribute to the
formation and escalation of disputes. In order to effectively address and
solve their problems, students must be able to both: listen to understand and
speak to be understood. With this end in mind, CRAMSS provides activities
designed to improve students’ ability to identify and convey their desires in a
clear, unaggressive manner.
Activities in section cover three primary areas: emotional vocabulary
building, active listening and the use I-messages. Students must be able to
name their feelings in order to effectively communicate them. So CRAMSS
includes activities meant to expand students’ vocabulary of emotional words
and phrases. Listening activities explore common listening barriers and how
to overcome them as well as how true listening differs from simply hearing.
Finally, these activities help students make a habit of I-messaging, the
popular, non-accusatory means of self-expression. Although simple in theory,
they are difficult to recall in the moment. As they sharpen these skills, students
will become better equipped to express their needs, respond to others’ and
reach positive resolution in conflict.
Activities
 Wear Your Emotions on  ReQuests
Your Wall  Listen “ing”
 Ang-o-Meters  Telephone
 Mad Lips  When, I Feel, I Need
 Classroom Complaint  You and I-Messages
Line  I-Interpreter

--- PAGE 39 ---
W Y W
EAR OUR EMOTIONS ON YOUR ALL
Generic feeling words are all too easy to overuse.
“Good” is a common favorite. How’re you
OBJECTIVES
feeling? “Good.” How was your test? “Good.” • Students build their emotional
What’d you do today? “Good.” We all have go- vocabulary.
to emotion words like this. They’re easy and, after
a while, meaningless. Careful identification of • Students learn to articulate their
your mood and the ability to give words to others’ emotions more accurately.
moods is essential to effective communication,
especially during conflict. This type of
communication requires a broad emotional vocabulary, the kind few of us – and certainly few
students – have or remember to use.
DIRECTIONS
1. Lead students in brainstorming as many emotion words as possible.
2. Get past the basics: mad, sad, happy etc. Challenge students to get 50 words. If that
comes easy, challenge them to get 75!
3. Open it up all ideas and acknowledge all suggestions. Accept slang and colloquial
terms. English or not, this is how students often express themselves.
4. Create a poster displaying all of the words, or have your students create it. If it helps, sort
the words into like categories. The four overarching emotional states are glad, sad, mad
and scared.
5. Display the poster prominently.
6. In the future, encourage students to be as specific as possible when describing their
emotions. Have them refer to the poster when necessary.

--- PAGE 40 ---
A -O-M
NG ETERS
Anger is the emotion perhaps most commonly felt
when in conflict. And this is understandable. It’s OBJECTIVES
upsetting to be opposed; disagreement can be • Students build their emotional
maddening. Angry feelings escalate easily and vocabulary, specifically concerning
quickly, and can move from mildly annoyed to expressions of anger.
furious before you know it. But anger often flares
more conflict than it solves. Anger impairs careful • Students begin to understand how
decision-making and can lead to rash actions, anger escalates and how this process
especially as you near your bursting point. might be checked.
Examining your own escalation processes can
help you indentify your triggers and, hopefully,
interrupt cycles of growing anger.
DIRECTIONS
1. Ask students to complete the “My Ang-O-Meter” handout below.
2. In the left column students should chose five words or terms that describe increasingly
intense feelings of anger. In the right column students should supply a real-life example
for each word.
EX: In the dark orange boxes one may write: “When I’m this angry I call it boiling. That is
how I felt one time when my brother borrowed my skateboard and broke it.”
3. Once completed, encourage students to share their Ang-O-Meters with the class.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• What anger words did you use and what were your examples?
• When you’re angry, is it always clear how angry you are in the moment?
• Have you ever found yourself at the top of your Ang-O-Meter in response to something
you now realize was pretty minor? If so, why do you think that happened?
ALTERNATIVELY
• Ask students to complete the right column using different points of escalation from a
single example. For instance, in the green box: My brother borrowed my skateboard
without asking. In the yellow box: Then he broke it. In the light orange box: He didn’t
seem sorry about it, and so on.
• Ask students to think about what parts of the situation caused them to move up the
meter, and to consider what could have happened differently to deescalate their anger.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• In your example, how did you react at each level? What did you say? What did you
do?
• What could the other person have done to curb your anger? What could you have
done?

--- PAGE 41 ---
My Ang-O-Meter
When I’m this That is how I
angry I call felt one time
it…. when…

--- PAGE 42 ---
M L
AD IPS
It’s believed that the majority of communication is OBJECTIVES
non-verbal. We rely on gestures, facial expressions
• Students appreciate the limitations of
and tones to convey those subtle messages we non-verbal communication.
don’t speak aloud. But expressions are not always
as easy to understand as words. Non-verbal • Students test the accuracy of their
empathic intuitions.
communication is highly subject to our
interpretation, and the accuracy of those
interpretations is often undependable. This activity allows students to test their own empathic
intuitions. And helps illustrate the communicative limitations of non-verbal expression.
DIRECTIONS
1. Break students into pairs, A and B, and give each pair a copy of the exercise “Map Lips.”
2. Give one partner Sheet A and the other partner Sheet B. Ask partners not to share their
sheets with one another.
3. Ask partner A to read the first narrative aloud, pausing at each blank.
4. Ask partner B to follow along on his/her sheet. Where partner A’s sheet has blanks, partner
B’s sheet will have bolded emotion words.
5. When partner A gets to a blank, ask partner B to convey the corresponding emotion word
using only gestures and facial expressions.
6. Ask partner A to guess the emotion and fill in the blank in his/her narrative. Repeat this
throughout the narrative.
7. For the second narrative, ask partners A and B to reverse roles.
8. Once both narratives are filled in, ask partners to share their sheets.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• How accurately were you able to read your partners expressions?
• Was it easy to express all of these feelings non-verbally? Do you have distinct expression
for each of these emotions?
• Compare your sheets. How much does the meaning of the narratives change from one
sheet to the other?
• What does this tell you about your non-verbal interpretations in everyday conversations?

--- PAGE 43 ---
L
MAD IPS
SHEET A
DIRECTIONS
Partner A will read Narrative One aloud, pausing at each underlined word. All of the underlined
words are emotion words. Instead of reading these words aloud, Partner A will try to convey
each word using facial expressions or gestures. Partner B will read Partner A’s expression, guess
the emotion, and fill in the corresponding blank. Reverse roles for Narrative Two.
NARRATIVE ONE
I had the worst time at school today. I was exhausted because I stayed up late finishing a
project for social studies. I overslept and got to school late, so I was already stressed when Mr.
Mann announced a pop quiz. It caught me by surprise. I don’t think I did well and that’s
frustrating. Then, in art class, I spilled water all over my painting! I was sad because that was
supposed to be my piece for the art show, but I’d be embarrassed to submit it now. Normally I
would talk to my friend Antonio about all this but he was absent. It always feels lonely when he’s
gone. All this to say, I’m happy you picked me up today, mom. When I saw your car I was so
relieved. I would’ve been overwhelmed on the bus.
NARRATIVE TWO
I’m usually so _______________ in Mrs. Knolls class. So I was _______________ today when she gave
us a fun assignment. We’re supposed to create a short skit about Greek mythology. I’m so
_______________! I don’t get _______________ performing in front of an audience like most people.
Maybe I’ll play an all-knowing oracle who foretells of betrayal and _______________. Or maybe I’ll
be an _______________ god from Olympus who _______________ the ungrateful citizens. No matter
the role, I feel _______________ I’ll steal the show. I just hope the class doesn’t get _______________.
Mythology can be tricky with all those long names. It’ll be up to me to make the characters
entertaining and keep the audience _______________.

--- PAGE 44 ---
L
MAD IPS
SHEET B
DIRECTIONS
Partner A will read Narrative One aloud, pausing at each underlined word. All of the underlined
words are emotion words. Instead of reading these words aloud, Partner A will try to convey
each word using facial expressions or gestures. Partner B will read Partner A’s expression, guess
the emotion, and fill in the corresponding blank. Reverse roles for Narrative Two.
NARRATIVE ONE
I had the worst time at school today. I was _______________ because I stayed up late finishing a
project for social studies. I overslept and got to school late, so I was already _______________
when Mr. Mann announced a pop quiz. It caught me by _______________. I don’t think I did well
and that’s _______________. Then, in art class, I spilled water all over my painting! I was
_______________ because that was supposed to be my piece for the art show, but I’d be
_______________ to submit it now. Normally I would talk to my friend Antonio about all this but he
was absent. It always feels _______________when he’s gone. All this to say, I’m _______________
you picked me up today, mom. When I saw your car I was so _______________. I would’ve been
just plain _______________ on the bus.
NARRATIVE TWO
I’m usually so bored in Mrs. Knolls class. So I was shocked today when she gave us a fun
assignment. We’re supposed to create a short skit about Greek mythology. I’m so excited! I
don’t get nervous performing in front of an audience like most people. Maybe I’ll play an all-
knowing oracle who foretells of betrayal and despair. Or maybe I’ll be an angry god from
Olympus who scares the ungrateful citizens. No matter the role, I feel confident I’ll steal the show.
I just hope the class doesn’t get confused. Mythology can be tricky with all those long names. It’ll
be up to me to make the characters entertaining and keep the audience pleased.

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C C L
LASSROOM OMPLAINT INE
It’s said that behind every complaint is a request.
OBJECTIVES
“I’m so tired of your lies!” can be interpreted as,
• Students understand that complaints
“Please tell me the truth” or perhaps simply, “Will
typically carry an implicit request.
you stop lying?” It’s not always our first instinct to
hear the plea within complaining and potentially • Students will practice interpreting
rude comments. Ideally, we learn to translate our complaints as requests for a specific
own complaints and pose the request we’re action.
really trying to make. Short of this, it’s helpful to be
able to hear others’ appeals, even when they’re not stated as such. It’s not always best to
indulge whining, but reframing grumbles this way can smooth communication and help resolve
or even prevent disputes.
DIRECTIONS
1. Seats the class in a large circle.
2. Ask one student to volunteer as the “Classroom Complaint Line” and stand in the middle
of the circle.
3. In go around fashion, ask each student in the circle to make a complaint. Complaints
should be stated, “Ugh, I’m so…”
4. In response to each complaint, the student in the middle should mime an action that
placates the complaint, i.e. satisfy the request that he/she hears in the complaint. After a
brief charade, the student should say, “I heard you ask for… So I… Does that help?
EX: Ugh, I’m so hot!
(After pretending to open a window) I heard you ask for some cool air so I opened a
window. Does that help?
5. Let one student respond to 3-4 requests and then ask another volunteer to sevre as the
“Classroom Complaint Line.” Continue until all those who want a turn have had one.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• How might understating complaints as requests help in conflict situations?
• Can you think of an example from your own life when a request might have served you
better than a complaint?
• Do all complaints imply a request? Can you think of any that do not?

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Name: Date:
R Q
E UESTS
DIRECTIONS
Read the following complaints. How might you translate them into requests? Name two
ways that each request could be satisfied. Be creative!
1. Our cafeteria food is never any good.
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________
2. I’m so tired of reading about things that don’t apply at all to my life!
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________
3. I’m so over boyfriends like you. I can’t handle your mind games.
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________
4. It’s way too cold in here!
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________
5. I don’t have enough time to finish all this homework!
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________
6. Algebra is impossible!
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________
7. Ugh, Cindy always gets the lead roles in our productions!
The request: _________________________________________________________________________________
Two ways: ___________________________________________________________________________________

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L “ ”
ISTEN ING
There’s a difference between hearing and
listening. Hearing is a physical process. For most
OBJECTIVES
people it happens automatically. Listening is a • Students learn the difference
skill that involves hearing and also involves between hearing and listening.
meaning making, comprehension and
communication. Like most skills, listening takes • Students become familiar with
practice. There are many natural barriers to different types of listening barriers.
effective listening like environmental distractions,
internal dialogues and personal agendas. This activity helps illustrate the difference between
hearing and listening, and helps students become aware of their own personal listening barriers.
DIRECTIONS
1. Pair students and have them sit facing each other. Ask them to pick one person to be the
speaker and the other to be the listener.
2. Instruct the speakers to describe their ideal family vacation (or any topic).
3. Without letting the speakers hear, ask the listeners to count the number of words ending in
“ing” that their partner says. This can be done by pulling all of the listeners aside or with
written instructions.
4. Ask the speaker to talk for 3-4 full minutes. Encourage them to be inventive and fill the
entire time.
5. Break for discussion.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• Listeners, how many “ing” words did you count?
• Listeners, how much of the speakers story do you recall? Were you able to concentrate
on both the story and the “ing” words?
• Speakers, did you feel like you were being listened to? How can you tell when someone’s
really listening?
6. Ask the speaker to describe one of their most vivid dreams (or any topic).
7. Ask the listeners to truly listen (perhaps tell them they’ll be asked to summarize the
speaker’s description afterward).
8. Ask the speaker to talk for 3-4 full minutes.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• Listeners, how was it different listening this time compared to last time?
• Speakers, did you feel like your partner was listening? How could you tell?
• We don’t really count “ing” words, but we do let things get in the way of our listening.
What are some things or thoughts that sometimes keep you from really listening, even
though you can hear the words? Do you have examples?

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T
ELEPHONE
This is the classic through-the-grape-vine game.
It’s fun! And, it illustrates perfectly the type of OBJECTIVES
misunderstandings and plain falsehoods that can • Students learn to question the
come of gossip and he-said, she-said tales. reliability of rumors and second-hand
Conflict often arises as a result of mis- accounts.
communications just like those in the game. The
skill – and this is much harder in practice – is • Students understand how broken
realizing when a real-life conversation might communication can lead to conflict.
actually be a game of Telephone.
DIRECTIONS
1. Arrange seats in a large circle.
2. Whisper a short narrative into the ear of the student sitting to your left. The narrative
should be no more than 2-3 sentences. Use the narratives provided for create your own.
3. Ask that student whisper the same sentences to the student to his or her left, and so on,
until the tale reaches the student on your right.
4. Ask the last student to say aloud what he or she was told.
5. Say allowed the narrative with which you began. See how the two compare.
6. Play multiple rounds starting at different places in the circle each time.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• How many people heard and repeated the sentences I actually began with? (See how
early the communication broke down.)
• How might communicating like this lead to problems?
• Have you ever been involved in a game of telephone in real life? What was that like?
• When and if you heard your name in a narrative, how did that change your reaction?
Did you listen more carefully? Did you want to repeat what was said?
• What are some ways we can prevent miscommunications like this from happening?
ALTERNATIVELY
Split the class in half and have each group form a line standing shoulder to shoulder. Whisper the
same narrative at the beginning of each line and have it work its way to their ends. Ask the
student at the end of each line to write what they heard on the board. Compare what makes it
through each line.
If it seems safe, create narratives that use the names of students in the class. Observe how this
affects the game.

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T N
ELEPHONE ARRATIVES
• There was a huge ordeal in Mrs. Jones’ room second period. Jack got mad at Sergio for
repeatedly knocking his books of his desk, and they started yelling like crazy. I heard they
both got suspensions.
• Elliot likes Rachel but there’s no way she likes him back. He’s always hovering around and
doing things for her, but I think she thinks they’re just friends. Plus, I heard she has a crush
on Lawson.
• Oh man you missed the wildest PE, like two people cried. Justin was throwing the
dodgeballs way too hard and the whole other team was getting mad. They got him with
like three balls at once and he lost it. You know how he hates to lose.
• Did you hear what happened at the football game with Kelsey and Malcolm? I can’t say,
but it involves the bleachers, the K-word and a whole bunch of people watching. It’s all
anyone’s talking about. I don’t even know if we won.
• Nobody knows where Silvia’s been. She her family just moved without telling anyone and
now they live in Florida or Florence or somewhere. But Jackie saw her sister at the mall
this weekend so maybe that’s not true.
• I heard Mr. Rhinehart got fired and that’s why he’s not a school anymore. The substitutes
only say they don’t know when he’ll be back, but I bet it’s never. Someone said he was
caught stealing a computer from the lab.
• I think Graham is super cute but I’m embarrassed to tell him. Will you talk to him,
pleeeease? See if he likes me or not. But you can’t tell him I asked you to, just bring it up
randomly and let me know what he says.
• Huston told everyone I bike to school because my family’s too poor to own a car. Ugh,
he’s such liar and what does he know, anyway? I bike because I live close to school and
I like to be able to go wherever I want after.

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W , I F , I N
HEN EEL EED
It’s been said that “you” and “should” are the
most dangerous words in the English language.
OBJECTIVES
They’re accusatory and directive and often very • Students learn to construct a basic I-
hard to hear. They commonly rouse anger and a message about their emotions and
what-gives-you-the-right type of defensiveness. I- desires.
messages, statements that only describe the
speaker, are harder to dispute and can greatly
improve the quality of conversation in confrontational situations. This activity helps students
identify their emotions and express them using a standard I-statement.
DIRECTIONS
1. Arrange seats in a large circle.
2. In go-around fashion, have each student craft an I-statement using the formula “When…
I feel… I need…”
Ex. “When I do not understand an assignment, I feel frustrated. I need to ask a friend or
teacher for help.”
3. All students can respond to the same “when,” or you may provide each student with a
new “when.” Use the “when…” prompts provided or create your own.
4. Help students identify real emotions and avoid embedded you-statements. “I feel
disrespected” is an emotion and I-statement. “I feel like you were disrespectful” is neither.
5. Give each student an opportunity to practice 3-4 I-statements.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
• Do all people respond to a situation with the same feelings and needs?
• Did any of your classmates have responses that struck you as very different from your own
response? If so, was it surprising?
• Why might I-statements like these be useful in a tense situation?
• How would respond to an I-message like this?
ALTERNATIVELY
In go-around fashion, have each student contribute one part of the statement so that it takes
three students to complete a full “When, I feel, I need” message. The first student invents a
“when.” The next student listens to the “when” and adds how he or she would feel, “I feel…” The
third students listens to the feeling and adds what he or she would need, “I need…”
Go around and switch up the order until all students have had a chance to contribute each
piece.
